"If you have a need to control, it could mean you that you feel a loss of control within yourself. At times many of us may have an outburst of rage because of so many various reason. The key is to be able to recognize the patterns and to acknowledge that you or someone you know has a challenging time managing the emotion of anger.
Recognition of your own behaviors is very important. Understanding your triggers is important as well. And most of all, processing your feelings at all times is huge!
But first, what is anger?
According to our dear Wikipedia, 'anger
is an emotional state that may range from minor irritation to intense rage. The physical effects of anger include increased heart rate, blood pressure, and levels of adrenaline
Some view anger as part of the fight or flight brain response to the perceived threat of pain.
Anger becomes the predominant feeling behaviorally, cognitively and physiologically when a person makes the conscious choice to take action to immediately stop the threatening behavior of another outside force.'
That's a pretty good definition. Your anger is important for you to understand and your loved ones to understand. Anger appears as though we are out of control, but really deep under the anger lies all of these emotions such as; hurt, sadness, pain, rejection, betrayal, fear and so on. The need to become defensive and loud could very well decrease if you were to simply identify with your feelings. Actually talk about what is bothering you. Do you have a full plate? Is it stress? Are you unable to come up with solutions to your concerns/problems? Or have you experienced issues of abuse in the past? If your loved ones understood your anger, it could decrease their fear as well.
Anger is a learned behavior. Try to process where you learned your anger from and talk about how your loved ones or friends managed their anger. Was it in a healthy way? Or an unhealthy way?
Anger is a valid emotion. Just as the emotion of happiness, we are all allowed to feel the emotion of anger. Crying is a form of showing your sadness, yelling is a form of expressing your anger. But, our society looks at yelling as an unhealthy way to communicate. It is unhealthy at times, but also good for the soul. The key is to watch what you say, and to be very aware of your actions when angry.
Remember, anger can carry on, and be pushed back into the subconscious, then it could creep out at anytime. Therefore, always process the underlying feelings of your anger so that you or your loved ones are not caught off guard. Come up with positive ways to structure out your day. Befriend your triggers and take control. Take responsibility and use your "I" statements.
If you have a run in with a friend, family or a supervisor, talk it out with them. It is important to not go home with the hurt and then sleep on it, because when you wake up, resentments could build up, therefore, connecting to the emotion of anger.
Ask yourself if you lock up your tears, if you allow yourself to feel. Or are you the type to just brush away situations and then later dwell on them, especially when it is time to go to bed.
Journaling your thoughts and feelings would most definitely help, A 'to do' list helps and expressing yourself as much as you can will help. Ask yourself if what you are doing right now works for you? If it doesn't then it's time to try something new.
Enjoy the emotion of anger, but understand it and feel it in a healthy way. Don't run away from the emotion."
- Anger Management article
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